.
.
Dave Cameron, Tory blue-eyed boy,
Came to Diss last year;
Condemned the Lib Dem Council,
And raised a Tory cheer.
The Tory central office
Did a co-ordinating stint:
Some glossy election leaflets;
Nice posters, blue-green tint.
‘Vote blue, go green’ they said
And we’ll tackle crime to boot.
They got a landslide victory
And kicked the Lib Dems oot.
Less than two years later
(The green tinge rather thinned)
The Tories have united ‘gainst
The monstrous power of wind.
Two turbine projects scuppered;
Another chased away;
‘No Windmills Here!’ (in Norfolk!)
‘They’ll just be in the way’.
So, what of their commitment
To fight anti-social crime?
Well, it might be better if
They kept themselves in line!
No fewer than three Councillors,
All Tories (one this week),
Have found themselves arrested,
And up before the beak.
One caught urinating,
In the grounds of A&E;
Content with mere drink-driving?
Perhaps he thought ‘Not me!’
One had his dog impounded;
(Perhaps not the canine’s fault?).
Got angry at the dog pound;
Now up for common assault.
The third (her name is ‘Stella’,
So we call her ‘Ms Artois’),
Is on probation since the coppers,
Found her blotto in her car.
Whilst half our parish councils
Have found themselves bereft,
Of District Council input
Since those nice Lib Dems have left.
And so you see the problem
That young Dave has foisted ‘pon us!
One can’t help thinking that he came
To Norfolk just to con us.
And when I want to tell him,
That his visit caused all this?
Methinks I’ll find that Cameron has
‘No plans to come to Diss.’!
Came to Diss last year;
Condemned the Lib Dem Council,
And raised a Tory cheer.
The Tory central office
Did a co-ordinating stint:
Some glossy election leaflets;
Nice posters, blue-green tint.
‘Vote blue, go green’ they said
And we’ll tackle crime to boot.
They got a landslide victory
And kicked the Lib Dems oot.
Less than two years later
(The green tinge rather thinned)
The Tories have united ‘gainst
The monstrous power of wind.
Two turbine projects scuppered;
Another chased away;
‘No Windmills Here!’ (in Norfolk!)
‘They’ll just be in the way’.
So, what of their commitment
To fight anti-social crime?
Well, it might be better if
They kept themselves in line!
No fewer than three Councillors,
All Tories (one this week),
Have found themselves arrested,
And up before the beak.
One caught urinating,
In the grounds of A&E;
Content with mere drink-driving?
Perhaps he thought ‘Not me!’
One had his dog impounded;
(Perhaps not the canine’s fault?).
Got angry at the dog pound;
Now up for common assault.
The third (her name is ‘Stella’,
So we call her ‘Ms Artois’),
Is on probation since the coppers,
Found her blotto in her car.
Whilst half our parish councils
Have found themselves bereft,
Of District Council input
Since those nice Lib Dems have left.
And so you see the problem
That young Dave has foisted ‘pon us!
One can’t help thinking that he came
To Norfolk just to con us.
And when I want to tell him,
That his visit caused all this?
Methinks I’ll find that Cameron has
‘No plans to come to Diss.’!
.
.
.
The three Tory Councillors identified in this rhyme were all Conservatives elected just after David Cameron's visit to Diss for the District Council elections in May 2007. They have all subsequently been up before the criminal courts in Norfolk. Their names are Keith Tilcock (district councillor for Starston, Pulham Market and Pulham St Mary), Jonathan Herbert (district councillor for Mulbarton, Bracon Ash, Hethel, Ketteringham, and Swardeston), and Stella Rice (district Councillor for Long Stratton, Hapton, Wacton and Tharston; and also County Councillor for those four parishes, plus Hempnall, Saxlingham Thorpe, Saxlingham Nethergate, Morningthorpe, Shelton, Shotesham, and Tasburgh. She also had deputy responsibilty for Norfolk Social Services at the time of her offence). Click the links for details of their offences. Both Tilcock and Rice were both swiftly allowed to continue as Tory Councillors. Herbert is awaiting trial, according to the hard-copy Diss Mercury (which, alas, does not have this story online at present). But when all is said and done, no wonder a whopping 76% of visitors to the website of the Diss Express (South Norfolk's other local paper) do not want Cameron to be the next PM. (You have to use the blue arrow at the end of this week's question to find the Cameron one - about three questions ago at the time of writing.)Update: Cllr Herbert was convicted of two counts of Common Assault at Norwich Magistrates' Court on 3 November 2008.
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